there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
