Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
my being single is dangerous.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
