i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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