My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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