dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
