I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
