I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
