i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
