As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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