so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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