yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
