I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
