Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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