I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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