I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
