perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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