Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
