I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
