Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I need to calm my uterus...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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