you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
