This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
