This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Couch. On fire.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
