So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Randomize
