Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
