we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
