I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
