My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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