i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
