Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
