bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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