glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
