I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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