There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
