we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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