we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
