i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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