I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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