Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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