I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
