Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
