I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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