if i died would you start the facebook group?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
