you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
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You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
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Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
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