So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
