I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
