Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
