I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
