I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
How does one acquire holy water?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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