and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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