My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
