And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
