Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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