A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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