so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
