Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Actions speak louder than pants.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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