i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
