none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
