Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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