is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
