it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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