Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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