Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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