So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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