Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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