Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
