If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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