genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
