You just made me feel so damn special
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
