I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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