My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
