I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Randomize
